Now is the Time to Get to Know Your Parent Better

As an adult child of an elderly parent, have you ever really taken the time to get to know them as an individual? Often we just accept a continuation of the relationship we had with them as teenagers or young adults yearning to leave the nest.

Before it is too late, you should take time to really know who your parents are and what their dreams and aspirations have been, what they look forward to, and what they wish their legacy to be. A senior’s legacy is the most valuable asset they can pass down to others and is the synthesized essence of what they have learned and hold most dear. 

During this retrospective phase of life, it is the person’s time to review major events, losses, mistakes and discoveries they experienced. Part of the process includes repeating stories and extracting the values and themes they want to be remembered by future generations. Acting as a parent’s legacy coach, adult children can help a parent through the life-review process as no one else can. Your long-established trust fosters a relaxed setting to which your parents can safely and slowly explore the past. 

To aid the process along, there are questions you can ask such as: what was your life like before a certain time or event; or tell me about… If a topic comes up, ask why they are thinking about it. Start conversations by asking what led to a specific decision or what made it so important. Ask how their life was different from their parents. Ask how your parents define the meaning of life; and how they want to be remembered. 

By going through this discovery process, it is sure to open up a new phase in your relationship with your parents. You will not only gain a new understanding of who they are; but as you help them look back, you free them to move forward. 

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