An Important Conversation Many Families Aren’t Having

Medical professionals and counselors who deal with families facing end-of-life issues offer a few suggestions to the rest of us on “how to start a conversation” when we have a very sick loved one. They say the first thing to consider is having the conversation in one’s kitchen is a whole lot easier than having it in the hospital. It may also encourage your family to start the conversation if they learn that studies find families who have talked about it beforehand express less feelings of guilt after the person passes away. Moreover they say they had an easier time grieving and were less likely to experience depression. 

These types of questions to ask to get a conversation started include “what does the person value most about their life?” Another topic of discussion should be to find out what the person understands about their illness? Ask: what matters most to them at the end of life, what outcomes are unacceptable; what are the person’s fears and physical needs? 

As a family member, you need to remember to practice active listening. It is important to leave your own view out of the discussion and try to understand what the person is feeling. Find out if they want to spend their last days at home; and whom do they wish to be surrounded by as they face death. This is also a good time to encourage them to express their wishes regarding burial. 

Ask if the person has an advance directive, which is basically a legally binding document that gives instructions for your healthcare in the event that you are no longer able to make or communicate those decisions yourself. This can include your wishes around discontinuing treatment and medications; and also saves your family from having to make difficult decisions.

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Source: aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2020/end-of-life-talk-care-talk.html?intcmp=AE-CAR-CRC-LL